This pairing is so common it has a name. Your reaching triggers his retreat; his retreat triggers your reaching. Neither of you is doing anything wrong on purpose, and both of you are making it worse. It can work — but only if the pattern gets named out loud by both people, not managed silently by one.
It is not doomed, and it's also not your job to fix alone by needing less.
The question isn't whether he's avoidant. It's whether he'll talk about being avoidant. One is a trait, the other is a willingness, and only the second one predicts anything.
“i think we might have opposite reactions to stress — i move towards, you move away. can we talk about how to handle that?”
“we've accidentally recreated a psychology textbook diagram”
“i need us to actually address this pattern, because i can't be the only one managing it.”
The read above is the general one. Describe what actually happened and I will tell you whether this is the right page — and what the paid decode would do with your details.
Your words are sent to our server and to Claude — the AI behind Tess — which writes the read. Not stored, not linked to you. How this works
Every situation and every quiz on this site is free. Tess’s reads — written around your own words, not everyone’s — are the paid part. iPhone and Android to follow.
Was It Casual is for reflection, not therapy or professional advice.